The Recruitment Underground Blog

Career Skills, Training and Transitions

It’s Not Who You Know… Part 3 Plus a Bonus!

Posted by jamesseetoo on June 29, 2009

Well by now I’m sure you’ve had a chance to play with the verbal and physical matching and mirroring described in the last two posts.  What?  You mean you haven’t?  That’s okay, after all not everyone wants to have the upper hand when communicating, especially during an interview.  The good news is that you can read all about it in the previous posts and I would suggest reading about it a few times while you’re getting better at these skills.

So today I want to go over the last of the 3 Keys to Basic Instant Rapport.

Key #3 – Assume you already have Rapport

That’s right. Go into any communication situation assuming that you already have Rapport.  Oddly enough, that initial assumption creates a quick connection with the other person.  Have you ever dealt with someone you know has a bad attitude and you automatically went into combat mode?  I’m sure that’s the reason why we’re all so eager to visit the DMV.

But go into a situation assuming you already have Rapport and watch the other person’s attitude change right before your eyes.

Recently, I had to go to the DMV.  It was an absolute madhouse and people naturally aren’t in the best mood especially the people working there.  They either react with a catatonic absence of emotion or by giving attitude back a hundred times.  Are the workers reacting to the people or vice versa?  It’s a real chicken and egg situation but since where talking about Applied NLP here it doesn’t really matter.  The situation is what it is.

By the time I got to the window, I had decided to make sure that I was assuming Rapport with the woman behind the desk.  Now was it my expression or body language?  I’m not sure but she noticeably relaxed and went out of her way to answer my questions.  I was out of there in a few minutes with a hearty “Have a nice day”.

Controlling your “State”

Or you might say attitude.  Misery loves company but really, a smile is contagious.

So here’s an exercise for you.  Take a deep breath and close your eyes.  Let out your breath slowly and remember the last time you had a really strong connection with someone.  It could be your spouse, your best friend or just someone you’ve met but really be in that moment.  Remember that feeling and give it a color.  Now imagine stepping into a bubble of that color and what does the world look like from there?  If it doesn’t feel that strong, make the color more intense and try again.  You’ve just created a filter that you can use to view the rest of the world.

So when you you go into a situation where you are interacting with others, try bringing that filter up around you and see how people react.  Get used to doing this regularly and try it in an interview situation.  You’ll find that the quality of your conversations will be at least 50% better.

Naturally, it helps to be qualified for the job you’re interviewing for but all candidates being equal, you’ll have the upper hand.

So in a tribute to Billy Mays who I mentioned in passing in an earlier post, here’s your Bonus Keychain to hold the Keys together.

If you’ve ever had a great conversation with someone that moved seamlessly from one topic to another to the point where you forgot where you started then you’ve had really great Rapport.

The problem with this is that it doesn’t necessarily get you where you want to go.

The real way to supercharge these tools and turn them into something that gives you an edge in getting what you want is setting your Intention.  You have to know what you want otherwise you’ll be having too much fun connecting with the other person to guide the conversation to where you want it to go.

So it’s great to just practice building Instant Rapport.  You’re communications with other people will be immeasurably enhanced.  But when you want to use these skills get something like say, a job, you have to make sure you keep your intention in mind.  Since most people don’t set an intention in their conversations they will go along with you.

Here’s an example.  Have you ever had someone try to sell you something and you definitely weren’t buying?  You set your intention against it and there’s nothing the other person could do to change that.  But have you ever been talked into something when you didn’t have that intention set?  I’d bet we all have.

I’ve been using these tools for over a decade and watched my career take off as a result.  After all, how many people can get someone interested in moving across the country for a job off of one phone call?

I highly recommend using these skills both if you have a job or if you’re looking for a new one.  You’ll be both surprised and happy at the results.

I look forward to any questions or comments you might have.

Remember, your skills are your job security.


James Seetoo


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