Have you ever had a conversation with someone who you just knew wasn’t confident in what he was talking about? I have and my natural reaction fluctuates between simple disbelief in what the person was saying to this person is a BS Artist. Now, that doesn’t mean that the person actually didn’t know what he was talking about but in the absence of any other information my snap judgment is negative. And it takes a lot to change that impression.
At the same time, have you ever gotten information that you were pretty sure was wrong but because the other person was absolutely confident in it you went along with it? I have, and I’ll even admit to having given directions that I was totally sure of when I was giving them and then thought about it and was completely wrong. But when you are confident and congruent people go along with you.
Now, wouldn’t that be a good characteristic to have when you’re interviewing for a job? And also, when you’re recruiting – I would have to say if you’re not confident in what you’re talking about all you’re going to get are the desperate and unqualified.
So what is confidence and how do you get it? Well, you could say it’s an attitude, or a way of conveying that you’ve been there and done that. But it would be more useful to think of confidence as a function of the mind being able to handle the unexpected. Yes, experience gives you that kind of mental frame where you can handle something similar to what you’ve handled before. But there are people who’ve been through situations many times and still come across as not confident.
So what is going on in your mind when this happens? I would suggest that rather than relating the unexpected to an experience where you’ve been successful, you’re relating it to when you’ve been unhappily surprised. Your mind is trying to prepare you for the unexpected and you end up getting canned responses that don’t work for you or your mind creates an incredible amount of scenarios that end up paralyzing you with too many choices.
Well, here’s a little mental trick that you can try. Obviously if you’re reading this you’ve had some success in your life. Think about that time when you actually planned what you were going to do and succeeded at it – not when you were surprised you were successful but when you executed according to plan. See what you saw, feel what you feel, hear what you heard and picture that time. Okay, got it?
Now, picture what you want to happen and see it in the exact same terms that you had when you were picturing when you were successful. Notice that it’s the same brightness, that you’re seeing it from the same angle, that you hearing the same kind of sounds around you, feel how warm or cold it was and use that same frame for what you want.
Once you’ve got that, step into it and notice the world around you and try to feel unconfident. Notice the absence of that feeling. Pretty cool huh? Do this before going into an interview or when you’re cold calling someone and enjoy the difference a little confidence makes.
Remember, your skills are your job security.
Best,
James Seetoo
The Recruitment Underground Blog 